SICK

I'm sick which is notably unsexy, but you know what is sexy? Time to write a blog post. I know, I know, I've been sick since yesterday. I should have had time to write like fifty blog posts by now, and while that is true, I'm not sure that you would have wanted to see the garbled nonsense that would have come out of my fever-ridden brain. As VSF put it yesterday when I said, "I'm not that sick."

"Dear. You can't sit still for two seconds and you keep laughing at things that don't exist. You are that sick."

Anyway, onto the interesting stuff. I've been having a lot of sex recently. You see, it's funny, I started this blog when I was having zero sex (depending on your definition of sex. I think masturbation deserves its own separate and VERY special category.) Now I'm having quite a bit and I'm not updating. In fact, VSF pointed out this irony to me the other day which caused me to give the very firm rebuttal that I have been doing "RESEARCH!"

Okay, I haven't actually learned all that much about sex per se except that it is really hard to maintain eye contact while going at it and that my layaspot is even more fun with another person present...

As I alluded to previously, though, I have recently started exploring kink. I read The Bottoming Book and plan on reading The Topping Book. I've gone to two play parties now, and I have some fun bruises to show for it. This has caused me to confront some interesting questions like "Why does pain turn me on?" and "Is it anti-feminist to kind of want to be called a bitch or a whore?" I mean, resounding answer to the second question is "no" because I am in control of these situations. I choose and consent to be treated in a certain way. It is not some societal weight on my shoulders. Though I do wonder how many of these desires come out of a) being pressured to be submissive and b) my lifelong resistance to those pressures.

As to the first question, I'm not really sure why I enjoy pain. I don't think it implies any sort of pathology really. I just wonder. I think a lot of it has to do with the feeling that comes after being in pain. It's sort of floaty and out of body. I like the bruises, they're a fun reminder. I also really like the strange balance of power that I get to experience in these situations. I can't really say that it is a submissive experience, because when I want to be hit I tell VSF that he should do it. I tell him to take control. This is why I want to read The Topping Book I think, because I like having that power even if it's the power to submit. Weird? Maybe.

In other news, you may have noticed that I've been nameless up to this point. I didn't really want to attach my real name to a sex blog because, well, I work, and I don't want to be fired. Moreover, I kind of don't want my parents/brother/sister-in-law reading this. So! I've come up with a nom de plume. The grand unveiling:

Persephone Mela

And with that, I will go back to napping. It's what we sickies do best!