Sexy talk

As VSF would probably inform you with very little hesitation, I am not actually very sexy. I mean, I'm pretty good looking, articulate, intelligent, etc. but my demeanor and means of interacting with people are not actually that suave. In fact, I'm rather awkward. I trip over things, fart, say really horrible things in the heat of the moment (...slugbeast...), and the time that I tried to have phone sex involved me giggling for half the time. It's a wonder that I get laid at all.

I make up for not being sexy by being highly sexual. It would seem a lot of the time that my life revolves around sex. I get turned on by the most mundane things: a breeze across the back of my neck, the smell of concrete after a good rain (that scent is called petrichor!), the feeling of damp dirt under bare feet, and, most of all, good language.

I don't particularly love dirty talk. It usually feels a little forced and artificial, but I do love and adore language and words. For example, the word petrichor has an inherently sexual sound to it. It rolls off of the tongue and has a great combination of open and closed vowels.The consonants move progressively backwards causing the word to begin at your closed lips and slowly, gently move toward the back of your throat. It's like this simple, under utilized word is a massage for your entire speech system.

I remember the first time I had an exciting experience with sound and sexuality. It involved a pretty failed date in high school. I went out with this dude and I was just not that into him, but then at lunch his mom called and he spoke Russian on the phone with her. Something about the sounds that were coming out of his mouth really turned me on quite dramatically. I ended up making out with him for two hours. Was it worth it? Not sure, I did have to explain the next day that this action did not, in fact, make me his girlfriend which was rather difficult using a high school senior's relationship vocabulary. But wow, those sounds that I did not even understand as comprehensible words were so deep and guttural and earthy that I really couldn't help it.

So, some sex advice that I am probably not at all qualified to give, strengthen your vocabulary. You never know who you are going to speak to that will be helplessly aroused by your use of "petrichor."

P.S. Someone else who is rather awkward and gets turned on in awesome ways is Erika Moen. If you haven't read DAR (which is unfortunately ended), you should. Here are some relevant samples: Awkward!
Orgasms!